Another Trip Around the Sun and Here We Go Again!

I have always found birthday celebrations to be extremely awkward and overwhelming. It brings with itself a lot of attention around me that I find uncomfortable. From people huddling around me to cut cake and singing for me to the humongous pressure of having to chase timelines; it can be quite overbearing for some of us. Take it from an introvert who hates the very thought of surprises and being the center of attention.

Nevertheless, over the decades, I have softened my stance on “I hate birthdays” and found new ways to look forward to that day and enjoy it the way I would want to.

As someone who has been journaling since the age of 10, I have a special birthday ritual where I find some quiet time on that day to reflect upon what the past year has been like and how I have evolved as a person with changing times. This has nothing to do with holding a magnifying glass in my hand and critiquing myself, it’s just a process that helps me put all my thoughts in a safe space.

This year, as I turned 33 (in the middle of the chaos that is this pandemic) I found myself sitting with some deeply gratifying yet perplexing realizations about myself and life in general.

For anyone who has ever found solace in the power of words and shared human experiences, I hope the nuggets of wisdom I am about to share resonate with you and bring some comfort in the knowledge that — You are not alone.

· Change: There is change that takes you far away from yourself, and then there is change that brings you home. Be aware of which you invite in and allow.

· Feelings: There is nothing wrong with you for feeling your feelings more deeply than others. You’re a Human and life is so much more than merely experiencing “happiness” or “sadness”. An inevitable part of being a human is experiencing the entire gamut of more complex emotions like grief, pain, loss, joy, confusion, anger, jealousy. All your emotions are valid and to be a practicing human is to allow your heart to hold space for all your feelings without judgment. I’d suggest; Make some room and have tea with your demons. (P.S. Getting some cake helps even more 😊)

· Healing: Healing is not a linear process. It is messy, chaotic and can sometimes, feel like a spiral. Embrace it anyway and Trust the process. Showing up for yourself every single day is the bravest thing we do for ourselves.

· Worth: Your worth is innate; simply by the virtue of being a human. Always remember- You are the cake!! Everything else is simply the cherry on top of it.

· Be your authentic Self: In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act. Choose authenticity and never try to fit in. It will be hard and you might lose some relationships along the way. Some people will never “get it” and you have to understand that’s not about you. You will feel free and it will be worth it. I promise.

· Let go: I am now choosing acceptance and letting go as a part of my daily routine; that weird comment from a friend or a co-worker, that message I didn’t get the response to, an apology I never got, competitive feelings and all my embarrassing moments. May we learn how to gain more by letting go.

· Put yourself first: No one teaches us this but it’s okay to be selfish and advocate for yourself. Ask for what you need and take up space. Remember when you were 5 years old and had the confidence and mighty will to ask for what you want- AND- believed to your very core that you deserve it, Be that Kid 😊 (I’m still a work in progress)

· Forgive yourself: Imagine what it feels like to forgive yourself; for all the mistakes you have made, all the chances you didn’t take, for all the time you think you lost living in survival mode, for not knowing better and not knowing it sooner. Forgive yourself for all if it!! And then some more…

· Compassion: Practice compassion. Learn how to be caring with your words and actions. There is not a single conversation or experience that can’t be managed better if we view it from the lens of compassion. Start with yourself.

· Sitting with discomfort: Whenever we feel a troubling emotion, our instant reaction is to either do away with it or distract ourselves. But Meditation taught me how to handle discomfort- to sit with it, not to over think it or analyze it. Rather let the passage of time do much of the hard work. The only thing we can do is create an environment in which these feelings can come, be acknowledged or befriended even. It happens over a period of time though.

· Align instead of Hustle: The hustle culture is a social construct and we do not have to buy into it. Glorifying lack of sleep, overworking and not taking care of your physical and emotional health is not a measure of success. Instead, choose to align your path with your own unique purpose, values and passion.

· Say No: Creating and maintaining boundaries is the toughest part of being an adult!! There is no rulebook around this and I wished they taught us this in school. But no healthy relationship can sustain for the long term if we do not learn how to create, uphold and release boundaries with others as well as ourselves. It’s a life skill that I still struggle with to date.

· Embrace your Sensitivity: I find the over glorification of resilience, strength and grit to be an extremely flawed concept. I don’t think that ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ This adage does not apply to everyone. It’s okay to drop the ball, sometimes. Be soft. Be vulnerable. Welcome in ease.

· Pause Rituals: Something I learned from my therapist years ago, is the positive effects creating routines has on our psychological health. Every day, consciously create space for any activity that does not require you to organize or analyze. It could be something as simple as having your tea mindfully one sip at a time, staring at the clouds, doodling, painting, journaling or going for a walk and noticing the trees or flowers around. Pause rituals add so much to our emotional wellbeing and is an excellent self-soothing tool.

· Redefine your concept of Growth- Growth is one big word that gets tossed around so randomly and we tend to equate so much of its value to the external manifestations like — new car, new home, promotion at work, getting married and having kids. While all of the achievements mentioned above are noteworthy, it reduces the concept to a very limited perspective. Sometimes, growth can look like allowing yourself time to rest without guilt, asking for help when needed, speaking up for yourself, acknowledging our mistake and doing better, challenging your negative self-talk, taking a deep breath before reacting!! It’s all growth and equally applaud worthy.

· Faith: I, personally, derive a lot of strength from Faith. It has helped me anchor myself into this knowing that there is a Higher Power that is looking after all of us, at all times. That we are all tiny specks in the larger realm of existence. Leaning into this Trust is the perfect antidote to anxiety.

· Be brave: “I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked. We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.” This quote by Brene Brown is what gets me through every time the thought of hiding my true self creeps in.

· Be Curious: Keep looking. Keep learning. Find new ways to look at yourself and the world at large. The power to question is the basis for all human progress.

· Learn to Unlearn: Change is a constant and learning to unlearn and relearn is the name of the game. As we evolve and shed older versions of ourselves, we will be presented with new information about ourselves that didn’t resonate before. Replace old redundant belief systems with new healthy belief systems to lay a stronger foundation for your future self.

· Believe in the power of compounding: When I was a kid, my dad bought me a cute piggy bank and every time I had a relative come by and give me money as a token of their affection, my dad would encourage me to put it in the piggy bank. No matter how small the amount, instilling in me the value of compounding at an impressionable age. I still apply this learning to my daily life — it taught me how small steps taken with the right intention on a regular basis eventually add up. One step at a time. Always.